feelin capricorny

FINALS ARE ALMOST OVER THANK GOD

3 out of the way, all i have left to do is ace this bio final tomorrow and then write an 8 page paper before Wednesday and I'm DONE.

Listening to my for horoscope today though, it's nuts:

Finally after last week you are in good physical shape, you should get some exercise instead of wasting your energy! Emotionally, you can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. The time for self-pity is over. There is just one more hurdle to pass...
Intellectually, your brain is in stand-by mode. The time for creativity is over, now on to more analytical things.


Uh, now in the context of my appendix wanting to come out, and my depressing ass posts the last few days, and the last final I have to take...that is ridiculously accurate.

In other news, I am switching my voter registration over to republican so I can vote for Ron Paul in the primaries, and you should too. He is exactly what this country currently needs...someone who actually opposes war and the federal reserve (Don't worry, he's secretly a libertarian).

Instead of a picture, today I will post Ron Paul facts:

Ron Paul is a constitutionalist.

Ron has never voted to raise taxes.
Ron has never voted for an unbalanced budget.
Ron has never voted for the Iraq War.
Ron has never voted for a federal restriction on gun ownership.
Ron has never voted to increase the power of the executive branch.
Ron has never voted to raise congressional pay.
Ron has never taken a government-paid junket.

Ron voted against the Patriot Act.
Ron votes against regulating the Internet.
Ron voted against NAFTA and CAFTA.
Ron votes against the United Nations.
Ron votes against the welfare state.
Ron votes against reinstating a military draft.

Ron votes to preserve the constitution.
Ron votes to cut government spending.
Ron votes to lower healthcare costs.
Ron votes to end the war on drugs.
Ron votes to protect civil liberties.
Ron votes to secure our borders with real immigration reform.
Ron votes to eliminate tax funded abortions and to overturn Roe v Wade.
Ron votes to protect religious freedom.

we keep on falling down, you see we're falling down, so fucking pick me up

today my parents dragged me to get a family picture taken, which i tried very hard not to complain about because my parents are getting old and need these things so they don't go crazy or die of a broken heart because i don't know how to smile around them. my father made me wear a turtle neck, which bummed me out additionally.
the lady taking our picture kept telling me not to be so stoic, it would be over soon, but mostly just kept commenting on what a serious person i am, which threw me off because i was faking happiness as best i could (which i am usually very good at). i don't know what got her going, but she started babbling about how she graduated from the same school i'm going to, late in life, and with 4 kids...and how she almost didn't graduate because her mother died during finals week of her last semester and her own 19 year old daughter had 3 kids and all of this crazy shit. she told me not to give up. my mother smiled and kept saying "aw, good for you".
the picture turned out pretty sucky, as we are not a photogenic family: we have round heads which make dramatic cheek bone angles hard to pull off, especially when you're wearing a fucking turtle neck.
my father bought me some clothes, which i didn't want him to because i knew i wouldn't seem grateful enough, which i didn't. we went home, i am still grumpy, and i have been trying to study for finals for the past 7 hours but instead have been staring at the wall. i don't know why i get like this during the holidays, but i constantly feel like i could explode. not into rage, mind you, just. i don't know. boom.
how did she know i gave up?

time to get gas, mayhaps

lesson of the week: if somebody offers you "medicine" used by people suffering heroin withdrawal, do NOT snort 3 - 4 lines of it.

unless you want to be really skinny the day after.

angels have big feet

miracles are happening

up

let them happen to you

up

we are all divine beings

up

being = to be. we are BE ing.

up

human beings. beings. think about that word for a bit.

up

you can't say miracles don't exist when we are miracles ourselves.

up

this lifetime isn't our last...maybe, thought, our last with eachother. each. other.

up

but guess where we can go from here???????????????? up

or down.

mia isn't the only one using her IMAGINATION

my mother is on a hunt to find out where all the dryer sheets went off to

little does she know that winter is coming

and i can't spend all my time smoking outdoors

just blow the TOBACCO smoke into my new friend, David Blowie, and stuff the end with dryer sheets, and it smells like spring time!

(and apparently these have been around since the dawn of time, but HOW did i not know about them until this week?)

so phil and i have decided that, for the rest of this lifetime to go smoothly, miss lunch will have to fall in love with me. then i can move to arizona, with phil, and we can be a hilarious offbeat sitcom.

think about it? we could golf and wear those hats with the poofball on top while mia and lindsey sunbathe and drink dry martinis-
every. freaking. day.

trippy

art never surprises me but always amazes me

Happy Black Friday?

now get this song out of my head

i have made a festive holiday medley concoction:

You must be 21+ (or soon to be so)

Ingredients:

1.) One miscellaneous yet popular Mocha or Coffee Flavored iced cappuccino, bottled sans foam and with low fat milk, correctly pasteurized and carefully marketed.

2.) 100 proof Rumpleminze Peppermint Schnapps

play it safe!

safety meetings are really boring
good thing they are far away, approximately 2.3 burns per ride








time to go to classss

walls abandon shape

my life is too cluttered. if you know me well you know that i have a tendency to take on too many projects at once: school, work, studio shit, being a baller, so much to do and so little time...and 90% of the time i can handle it. i like it actually. what i never do though is give myself time to recharge, taking on newer and bigger projects in its stead.
so now i am stuck with all this bull corn ass work and am slacking off in almost every aspect. i am almost too good at dealing with stress, to the point of ignoring it. fuck springtime, what i need is some winter cleaning before i start craving drastic change...and certainly before mr. seasonal affective disorder kicks in and i turn back into some overly introspective emo fag (oh, it's already started, all weekend my thoughts kept returning to BEING ALONE FOREVER)

but at least i figured out some gifs, ya yah?
EDIT: So the gif works, but blogspot - of course - doesn't. i think you can see what it's supposed to look like if you click on the image. i guess it's nothing special anyway. my cello currently only has 3 strings on it for fuck's sake.






what's the point of instruments-
words are a sawed off shotgun

carry on my wayward soooon

I have decided to take out a ridiculous amount of college loans until I am out of school (which will be 10 years later), and by the time I have to pay them back - I assume - I'll be dead or the apocalypse will occur or our economy will collapse and I wont have to pay anything back.

Thank God for Craig's List, as I am think I have stumbled upon an amazing deal on a new, performance worthy cello...which I want to take to south carolina and get a pick-up installed....make it a sweet as percussive-stringed-kick your ass instrument. that is neat.

i still can't figure out how to get this .gif the way i want it...maybe later

you don't have to go to college

I think I have decided to make w&bing a part of my life, at least on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays (the days I have English).

I want to try to make a gif picture but i don't think this computer knows how to do that...
maybe later


i take my timeeeeeeeee


the kid next to me uses his inhaler a lot, and i see him outside smoking cigarettes all the time


inhalers are fun though, they taste like nasal spray smells

http://www.explosm.net/comics/1075/ HA

isn't it strange to be any thing at all?

just to let everyone know where i stand with my spiritual beliefs--( because becky and i realized...after eating some quite intoxicating mushrooms and talking for 4 hours...the values of having a belief system and the purpose of such a belief system in regards to the psychological aspects of communication )-- i do believe in God, and after 20 years i can say that comfortably. i believe Jesus was the son of God, and am willing to explore this belief system openly. it's the way i was raised, and i don't think it is a bad place to start. obviously i'm not like my parents, but when i meditate with God in mind i feel peace, and i'd like to take a while (maybe a lifetime) to explore that peace instead of vulgarly analyzing it. Christianity + Hippie Values = Stress Free Ajay, just deal with it for now.

swing-
like a chariot at the trumpet call
when we're all unsaved
swing-
like a wrecking-ball, like the heart of God
what a mystery
swing-
come and carry us
come and marry us to the blushing circus king
now He's one of us, plays the tambourine
break the bread for us and sing
will you wait for us?
will you stay for us?
will you grace us everything? you're a wrecking-ball
with a heart of gold
we will wait for it to swing
like a chariot, swing it low for us
come and carry us away
so we will become:
a happy ending

Today in English I learned -

College Journalism is the same as "Intellectual" Gossip.

You don't have to read the text - we don't usually talk about it anyway.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Apparently, my 21st birthday party will last approximately 2 weeks...and is going to be a transcontinental event.

I can't wait for the hungover plane ride home from Arizona, with Emily and probably many children.

I cannot wait to see the noooon again, and have bitsy meet her long lost uncle-ajay.

can anyone else tell i woke and boked today?

i believe in plants and simple treasures

sometimes you want to smoke flavored tobacco, but you don't have a pipe, so you have to be creative.


it was a happy halloween :)

momma was a looker

A picture of my mom, way before I was born.

Amazing right?

she should have been a model

let's not shit ourselves

well my phone was sucked into the black void of drunken-ness so I lost everyone's numbers...
but now that I got it back i can start taking and uploading pictures e'ryday

it should get interesting again, soon...
to me anyway, as this blawg iz not 4 u



Well, my teachers, they built this retaining wall of memory
All those multiple choices I answered so quickly
And got my grades back, and forgot just as easily
But at least I got an A
And so I don't have them to blame




p.s. this is the gayest 7 page paper i ever wrote, but whatever

thought for food

and then i stumbled upon a costume.
a fuzzy meatball costume.
it was delicious.


but where was the person inside it?

no pic today

busy with school shizz

more police corruption

i don't think the police have been militarized enough yet. i won't feel safe until everyone gets physically punished by multiple police officers (who work for the government and not the people btw) whenever they..ask...a...question? see yet another video here
of course he is going to resist, they were violating him and his rights. six officers kneeling on the guy wasn't enough to contain him though...he had SUPERPOWERS, FUCKING RUN.

the thing that bothered me most about this though were the comments on the page, especially those made by "former law officers" and the like.

"I say Taser him again for the heck of it."

"Do what the police ask and you won't get tased. What a crybaby!"

"The officers should get an award for not losing their tempers. I think they handled it great."

"It was a last resort used by the officers and in my mind, absolutely justified."

"The guy got tased so what, maybe next time a police officer tells him to do something, maybe he will comply or maybe he will get tased again."

and my favorite, by a twat who calls herself christy, "Even though they had him on the ground, he still was not cooperating. He deserved to be tasered. If cameras and people weren't around, he probably would have gotten an ass whoopin'!!!!!!!"


Basically, America is fucking doomed not because of the corrupt government, or those bastards we call the police. we are doomed because AMERICA IS MADE UP OF STUPID FUCKS, and as long as they aren't the ones being tased...well..they think it's still their country.

sick to my stomach now.

butwhenatlastyourbeautysfadedyoullbegladthatihavewaitedforyou

• i'll be that girl and you would be right over

• if i were a field, you would be in clover

• if i were the sun, you would be in shadow

• if i had a gun, there'd be no tomorrow...

so many things to think about today, but i'll wait until i've had some sleep to get there. time for psych class...

...it's time to kick off your shoes
learn how to choose sadness
we've got plenty of time to grow old and die:

fierce adulterer

crushed, nature moans, enlightened
















_________________________________look, she's posing.

i told you they're everywhere

we do the dance up on the plains then i shake your shoulders you push me down into the grains who rubs our noses in the night? we do we do

here i am

plain text = mind
italics = muse
bold = soul
* = teleportation... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

back in the day i used to write a lot. in journals specifically.
and i feel i should start again.
not to document though...*
i'm fine with memories being memories - i don't need every detail -
there is excellence in organization, but only outside of my head
_________________________________________ [ in here there is beauty in emotion ]
my heart lives in my brain
my brain lives in my feet
my stomach lives in my mouth
and my mouth currently resides in my hands
[ hands and feet can multi-task and therefore do not need a home away from home ]

*...just to calm down my head. it's been too long since i saw my thoughts as letters.* __words are letters that are
____________________________________________________________________sounds on your tongue and in
on the floating,shapeless oceans______and you sang, "sail to me, sail to me;; _your vocal folds decided by need
i did all my best to smile _________________let me enfold you." ________________________not your ancestors
til your singing eyes and fingers__here i am. here i am, waiting to hold you __not your gods - only this nightmare:
drew my loving to your eyes ____did i dream you dreamed about me? ___________ teeth raining and shattering

*i think too much and it is becoming a bother. not in a social or mental disorder sense...i have that under control...but there is a lot in me that i don't know how to use or vent. i don't have answers because half the time i don't have questions. trying to turn blank epiphanies into concrete knowledge my youthful solution has been to turn off my thoughts. think of it as "if you're thinkin crazy it's time to get hazy" catch my drift? [HINT: what makes you hazy makes you lazy] but they never turn off. they just get shoved deeper inside me. split between mind spirit and body.
i've recently come to terms with how important it is to have a sense of self*
broken all on your rocks__________________________________________________not a "why do i exist?"
for you sang, "touch me not. ___________________________________________but a "what/who do i exist as"
touch me not, come back tomorrow." _______________________________and maybe "why do i exist as such?
oh my heart. oh my heart shines through the sorrow __________________________...never "why do i exist?"
*and the freedom of self expression. so maybe babbling here from time to time will stop my head from spinning
or at least help me keep it from falling off.______________________i'm as puzzled as a newborn child
_______________________________________________i'm as riddled as the tide
_____________________________hear me sing, "swim to me, swim to me;
_________________________________let me enfold you."
______________here i am. here i am, waiting to hold you.


i look forward to the days when the sun rises in the west and sets in the east.