here i am

plain text = mind
italics = muse
bold = soul
* = teleportation... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

back in the day i used to write a lot. in journals specifically.
and i feel i should start again.
not to document though...*
i'm fine with memories being memories - i don't need every detail -
there is excellence in organization, but only outside of my head
_________________________________________ [ in here there is beauty in emotion ]
my heart lives in my brain
my brain lives in my feet
my stomach lives in my mouth
and my mouth currently resides in my hands
[ hands and feet can multi-task and therefore do not need a home away from home ]

*...just to calm down my head. it's been too long since i saw my thoughts as letters.* __words are letters that are
____________________________________________________________________sounds on your tongue and in
on the floating,shapeless oceans______and you sang, "sail to me, sail to me;; _your vocal folds decided by need
i did all my best to smile _________________let me enfold you." ________________________not your ancestors
til your singing eyes and fingers__here i am. here i am, waiting to hold you __not your gods - only this nightmare:
drew my loving to your eyes ____did i dream you dreamed about me? ___________ teeth raining and shattering

*i think too much and it is becoming a bother. not in a social or mental disorder sense...i have that under control...but there is a lot in me that i don't know how to use or vent. i don't have answers because half the time i don't have questions. trying to turn blank epiphanies into concrete knowledge my youthful solution has been to turn off my thoughts. think of it as "if you're thinkin crazy it's time to get hazy" catch my drift? [HINT: what makes you hazy makes you lazy] but they never turn off. they just get shoved deeper inside me. split between mind spirit and body.
i've recently come to terms with how important it is to have a sense of self*
broken all on your rocks__________________________________________________not a "why do i exist?"
for you sang, "touch me not. ___________________________________________but a "what/who do i exist as"
touch me not, come back tomorrow." _______________________________and maybe "why do i exist as such?
oh my heart. oh my heart shines through the sorrow __________________________...never "why do i exist?"
*and the freedom of self expression. so maybe babbling here from time to time will stop my head from spinning
or at least help me keep it from falling off.______________________i'm as puzzled as a newborn child
_______________________________________________i'm as riddled as the tide
_____________________________hear me sing, "swim to me, swim to me;
_________________________________let me enfold you."
______________here i am. here i am, waiting to hold you.


i look forward to the days when the sun rises in the west and sets in the east.